Real Life Mentoring By Rashawn Ray

I became affiliated with the Memphis Family Shelter through my wife who was President of Students Advocating Service (SAS), a service organization at the University of Memphis. SAS has a monthly open service project called “Service on Saturday” where students from the campus go out into the community and perform tasks at various sites around the city. This particular Saturday my wife (who was my girl friend at the time) wanted me to attend the site that she was supervising, which was the Memphis Family Shelter. Little did I know the impact of wanting to be closer to my wife would have on my life.

The Memphis Family Shelter is a long-term shelter for single mothers and their children. Over eighty-five percent of the tenants at the shelter are Black. Most of the mothers have been abused and/or encountered severe financial hardships. Since the shelter is only for women and children several of the young boys do not have any male role models, particularly positive Black males. After my initial visit I wanted to do more to help their situation. I saw my mother and me in the women and children at the shelter. I began thinking about the positive role models that I have had the luxury to meet through my mother’s social networks and the vast impact they have had on my aspirations and expectations for success. I started returning to the Memphis Family Shelter every Saturday to be with the children.

The youth coordinator approached me with an idea to make my time and impact in the shelter more formal. She stated that she wanted me to mentor the boys on a regular basis. I spent all Christmas break developing the goals and plan for the program. When I returned to see the boys in January I had a schedule of programs and events that we would participate in. As a result, in 2002 I founded “Real Life Mentoring.” The motto of the program is, “Strive to be excellent at everything you do, if you are not going to do it right, don’t do it at all so just do it!” My mentor method is called edutainment; do something educational and then do something entertaining and fun. I organized weekly educational and creative programs for the boys at the shelter. I mentored the boys ages 7-13 by having weekly seminars on topics such as respecting womanhood, the importance of gaining knowledge, and how to strive to be excellent at everything you do.

My first program centered on options and life goals for Black males. I asked the “little men,” as I like to call them, what they aspire to be when they grow up. An overwhelming majority said athletes and rappers. I replied, “Then what?” Most of them stared back at me with puzzled looks on their faces. Many of them had never been asked that question before. I told them that many African-Americans, specifically African-American males do not know the rate at which we are making ourselves unavailable to the world. African-Americans only represent 12% of the population, 5% are Black males. 1/3 of Black males is either incarcerated, on parole, or has a previous criminal record. Over 50% of high school Black males aspire to be professional athletes. Not to mention the overwhelming number of Black males who aspire to be rappers. How many does that leave? After a moment of silence, I started hearing, “Chef!” “Judge, like Judge Mabbeline!”

I have worked with these children for three years and I see the impact that positive role models and social support can have on individuals in light of resource constraints. All of the boys in the program have increased their grade point averages and their desire and willingness to learn and achieve. Something I am finding out from my masters research is that children want quality time and care giving. Several of the boys would ask me, “Can you be my Dad?” I would respond, “Oh no!” At one point and time I was struggling with the fact that the boys wanted to be like me and not like themselves. My wife stated that the boys wanting to be like me might not be a bad thing. If it was not me it would be someone else and that role model might not be the type of role model they should ascribe to be like. It was at that time I understood that I was being emulated by these “little men” and I had a lot of expectations to live up to.

I also coordinated several other seminars with the boys including goal setting, being the little man of the house, career options, and others. One seminar I had a panel of my fraternity brothers and other individuals from the University of Memphis who fit the careers the boys aspired to go into. I then paired those Black men with the boys to talk to them on a more regular, personal basis. I also participated in several activities with the boys including skating, movies, step shows, art tours, museum tours, library tours, and sporting events. I remember taking them to University of Memphis football and basketball games and Memphis Grizzle basketball games. I also took them to Africa in April, an African festival showcasing various elements of African culture from dance to clothing to food. I took them on a few tours of the University of Memphis and the surrounding college campuses. I also took the boys to the Memphis city library on a regular basis. Whatever I could think of I took the boys.

Memphis is a very culturally rich place, but many individuals (particularly the Black population) have not been exposed to the aspects that make the city so great. Most of these events and places are also free, which is very important since financial resources are an issue. I would occasionally have speakers come in and talk to the boys about a particular topic. Additionally, I would bring the boys to events on campus and in the city that I was participating in. It is really important for the boys to see me interacting with others and for those other individuals to talk about me in a way that lets the boys in the program know that I am a valid source of information pertaining to the topic at hand. I want the boys to know that you can be “cool and in school.” I also wanted them to display proper public etiquette when interacting with others. These are very small but pertinent components of life that some individuals do not learn due to social constraints. One of my goals is to teach them the unwritten code of success.

In spring 2003, I graduated from the University of Memphis. This was a very glorious, yet difficult time. I was moving on to attend a great Sociology program but I was leaving all of my friends, a school I loved, and more importantly my “little men.” The youth coordinator at the shelter called the school paper and told them about my mentor program. The paper wanted to run a front-cover story about my community service work. While I am leery of the media and trend journalism, I agreed because I wanted to get the word about Black men doing positive things in the community. I also wanted to use the article as a platform to let the student body know that I was looking for someone to take over the program.

Three Black men who were sophomores at the time contacted me about the program and still actively mentor the children and the shelter. The boys from Memphis Family Shelter are so dear to my heart that I felt the need to continue the mentorship with them even though their mothers moved out of the shelter. I talk to the boys on a regular basis. It gets quite cumbersome to talk to the boys with all of the work I have to do, but I believe that if it will make them strive harder to make a B or an A in a class and stay out of trouble in the years to come it is well worth it. The “little men” just want someone to care and love them. They know that I am always there for that. Additionally, I travel to Memphis at least twice a year and make it a point to have a day with the boys. I take them for pizza and then we go do whatever else they want to do, which usually entails movies, video games, and/or sports. I should also add that my fraternity played an integral role in the program as well. The two men who work with the children at Memphis Family Shelter are now members of my fraternity. While we were mentoring the boys, I was having an affect on the men over the mentor program as well.

Starting this program made a tremendous impact on my life and was a contributing factor in my desire to be a Sociologist. I love those “little men.” It is also fulfilling to talk to them almost every week and have other young Black males in the community step-up and continue the program. Currently, I mentor thirteen “little men” who range in age from 10-20 years old.